What is black, white, yellow, and should have died out years ago?

A few weeks ago it started, walking the hallways of my condo building you see them at each door, one of the biggest wastes of time, money, energy, resources, and trees.... The new phone books came out!

I am not an environmentalist or a tree hugger by any means, but seeing all these phone books makes me think of all the trees it must have taken to make all the phonebooks that lay at each door.

Doing some research I found that some sites (www.whitepages.com) claim that upwards of 5 million trees are cut down each year to make phone books and that only 22 percent of those phone books are properly recycled. Others claim that they are now mainly made using only recycled paper. Regardless whether it's recycled or not, it's just a massive waste of energy, the carbon footprint it takes to create and distribute them eliminates all good the recycled paper does.

My wife and I were talking about phonebooks and were trying to think of who still even uses phonebooks anymore. Other than the elderly, people without computers or Internet connections, or those who still use pay phones, if you can find one; just use Google or Bing or any other generic semi popular search engine via the World Wide Web.

In a world of environmental issues, ozone layers opening, ice caps melting, and truths being inconvenient, I don't know how there isn't an option for the phonebooks. I think the government needs to create an opt-in/opt-out system. Everybody get mailed a prepaid stamped card with a code, you can then fill it out and send it back, or go online and fill out a form if you want a phonebook. No form, no phonebook, it's that simple.

Until that happens I guess I'll just continue to throw mine in the recycle the minute I get one. That is until I have kids and need a cheap booster seat.


P.S. A friend of mine posted this video on Facebook today from YouTube. Its what got me to write this today. It is essentially what I do with it when it comes as well.

Sweet Iced Tea is like Heaven in a Glass

I love Sweet Iced Tea. Wether it be brewed, powdered, concentrated, Lipton bottled, Snapple, Arizona, Cool Brand, Starbucks Tazo, or out of a Keurig Coffee Machine; I just love the stuff.

I drink iced tea at minimum 3 days a week when I am at home. Lately I have been mixing half real brewed tea and half Nestea Iced Tea Powder for the sweetness. It is delicious, perfect at any time of day.

My love of Iced Tea also carries over when I am not at home as well, where from time to time, I will get a Long Island Iced Tea with a nice dinner on date night with my beautiful wife.

Well on a very recent trip to Honolulu Hawaii, I did just that, however at a particular restaurant I noticed something different, a few new IcedTea cocktails, but not made with mixes or multiple spirits; these were made with Sweet Iced Tea Vodka.

That's right Vodka that tastes like Sweet Tea!!!

So, naturally when we got home from vacation, I went to the liquor store to pick some up for myself. Coming in a few different flavors (Natural Sweet Tea, Raspberry, Mint, and Peach) I chose to go with Natural to play around with at first.

I can't even begin to describe how delicious this stuff is. If you're both a vodka and real iced tea fan, don't hesitate, go buy this immediately if you can.

There are numerous recipes online, but so far I have been mixing with lemonade or. Combination of lemonade and coke. All very awesome, and I have no doubt I will finish off the bottle for sure. One of the other highly suggested servings is to mi with spring water and a slice of lemon, because of the delicate tea flavors in the vodka, this sounds wonderful for a summer day.

Can't wait to try the Peach one next!

Pizza Hut is to Pizza, as Olive Garden is to Italian Food.

When it comes to coffee, the comedian Denis Leary said it best in his 1997 'Lock 'N Load' stand up special; "Is it impossible to get a cup of coffee-flavored coffee? You can get every other flavor except coffee-flavored coffee! They got mochachino, cappuchino, frappachino, Al Pacino, what the @$#%!!!"

This is the way I feel whenever I see a new commercial, for what Pizza Hut believes to be the next greatest evolution in pizza. Whether it be original, stuffed, coated, bubbled, or crowned; the crust they are producing is getting stupider and stupider at every turn.

It all started in 1995, with the Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza, this was a mind blowing invention that took the world by storm and as a teenager I thought this was genius. That was until he first time I tried it and, like meeting your hero and having them turn out to be an asshole, this was very disappointing.

But Pizza Hut stuck with it and people seemed to enjoy it. I mean they had to have, cause to this day, you can still get it at your local store. However, they should have stopped there, cause now there are more and more incarnations that keep finding the light of day. In a failed attempt to improve the original idea, 16 years later, there was until the ULTIMATE Stuffed Crust in 2011, that added meat toppings in the crust along with the cheese, which trumped it in stupidity, and the amount of grease you can get into a crust.

Then, there is the Crown Crust. A pizza crust with pockets that alternate with cheese balls and meatballs. I guess you are supposed to eat the crust first, then the slice? Either way, why? Who was sitting back one day and thought "you know what this Pizza is missing? A meatball crust!" This was just dumb.

Their most current promotion, a variation of the crown crust, it is called the "Crazy Cheesy Crust". A pizza that boasts cheese pockets along the edge that holds a heart clogging amount of cheese in each, and if that's not enough, you can double it for an extra $2. They are obviously hoping it will be the next great money maker for them, but gobs of hardened baked greasy cheese balls sound horrible and I can't see this catching on.

Lastly is the worst of the bunch, only available in Canada, the Hot Dog Stuffed Crust, that's right a pizza of your choice surrounded by what can only be described by one big long pig in a blanket. Why anybody would find his appetizing is beyond me. I love hot dogs, I love pizza, I don't want them combined. Although the pizza dog from Orange Julius is good, I'm confused now. Still it looks really really gross.

Now I gather that Pizza Hut keeps making these monstrosities to get people curious enough to come in order something new, to keep their business, and possibly get new clientele in the process. However, I can solve their problem in 1 minute. Are you listening Pizza Hut.... "LOWER YOUR FLIPPIN PRICES!!!!"

Now I love the original pan pizza from Pizza Hut, a large ham and pineapple with extra sauce, delicious!, but the only time I get anything from them is if I have a coupon. I mean $18 for a medium pizza is outrageous. I'd rather go to Panago, which makes a far superior pizza in my opinion, for less money. That's how you keep people happy.

Now stop with the crazy crusts, take like $5 off the price of your pizzas, get back to making a great original deep dish pan pizza, and you see the people start to flock back to you Pizza Hut. Also, whatever you do, don't get rid of your Honey BBQ Boneless Bites, those things are amazing!

Ummm... WHAT THE $&@#*^%!!!!!

Only once every couple of generations comes a product that completely stretches line between insane and unnecessary. This is one of those times...

From the makers of, what I can only assume is a variety of inappropriateness, comes Vulva Original. The worlds first and only bottled scent that is supposed to be reminiscent of the captured aroma of a woman's "private area" after a short workout.

Yes, you heard me right... It's basically Eau-de-VaJayJay.

First of all, WHY!!!
Second of all, WHY!!!
Thirdly, who would think of making this and who is going to buy it?

Oh yeah, perverts.

The website claims that "After uncountable test series with a variety of vaginal aromas of all kinds of women, we’ve decided to conserve the vaginal scent, which most of the test persons experienced to be the most erotic. After many years of extensive tests and specifically developed procedures of conserving methods, we’ve finally managed to capture the treasured organic vaginal scent in a long lasting way."

All I can think of after reading this is, what kind of scientist can't count the number of tests they did, who funded this bullshit series of events, and I wonder how many strippers they "put through college" for their help.

I mean, I get it, it's just the next insane level of pheromones, for the lonely men and women out there. In the grand scheme of things it's one of the less weird sex products out there, when it comes to weird sex products. Although, it still doesn't make it any less wrong.

And then there is the commercial, oh the commercial. Starts off with a raised eyebrow, continues with some over produced eroticism, and ends with a "NO, NO, NO HE ISN'T, IS HE? OH NO, HE IS!!!!" Followed with a little bit of vomit climbing up in your throat.

I'd like to use the above as an example of what to prepare yourself for, i apologize in advance cause here it is...

The World is Angry at your Abundance of Washing Machines!!!

Ive had this conversation with my wife before, but thought i would share with all you wonderful peoples. Currently on television there is a commercial for Kijiji Canada that I like to make fun of. If you don't know what Kijiji is, it is another Craigslist; if you don't know what Craigslist is, it is like a local eBay; if you don't know what eBay is, you are probably Amish and aren't reading this anyways.

This commercial features a Canadian man, holding a box of washing detergent at a bus stop, in the cold of winter. A deep voiced man narrates throughout explaining that the man is a local hero, he used Kijiji to buy himself a used washer and dryer, and in doing so, helped out a neighbor and saved himself $300

Sure, I can get behind this, you can not only use Kijiji to buy used items, they also have both washers and dryers on there from time to time. Plus, people don't sell for retail, so he probably did save $300, rather than buying brand new (I'd even venture to say he saved more, if you take into account taxes and extended warranty). I'll even go with the local hero part, maybe he helped a local youth center by buying their extra appliances to keep it open, who knows?

But that's where the truth in advertising ends, and the craziness begins. The narrator then claims that, by buying these appliances, this local hero has, and I quote... "Ensured a brand new appliance wasn't manufactured, and the planet thanks him for that"...

...WHAT!?!?!?!

Do they not know how capitalism or the world of mass production works? No entity in the entire world is so on the pulse of buying and selling that they would know when some joe blow in the middle of nowhere bought a used appliance off the Internet. The cost and physical ability of something like that would be staggering.

It's just a small little thing that I find both stupid and funny all at the same time. Stupid cause I think they are serious, and funny cause I love the thought of every time something used is purchased off of the Internet, a man in an office gets a giant email alert with flashing lights and a loud horn.

Then awoken suddenly from a nap this man jumps from his chair and runs through the halls yelling at the top of his lungs "STOP!! SHUT IT DOWN!!!. He then bursts through a door at he end of a long hallway, nearly killing himself from slipping on the freshly mopped linoleum, and hits a red button that halts all production. Phew that was close, one extra almost got made.

Regardless of how much I find this funny/stupid, but see for yourself and make your own judgement. Here is the commercial...

If I make enough noise people will pay attention to me cause I'm cool.

It's Saturday afternoon, my gorgeous wife and I are doing what we love, lounging on the couch in our PJs and watching TV. Better yet, as a Canadian, a hockey game is in and I'm happy.

Our favorite team, the Vancouver Canucks, are playing the pride of the Botox filled faces of Hollyweird, the L.A. Kings. The Sedins are passing like the telekinetic twins they are, bodies are being thrown around, and we are winning 1-0 from a breakaway goal by Robin Scherbatsky's favorite player, Mason Raymond.

Then it starts... BANG! BANG! BANG!... Everyone's favorite person, the guy who bangs on the glass behind the nets, in order to say "Hey, look at me, I'm banging on this glass to distract you cause I truly believe this will work somehow, cause it never works, but this time it will, then I will be a hero and people will like me, cause I'm so lonely."

I hate these people, they are so damned annoying. Why do they do this? Do they realize how much it makes people want to hurt them? They are just as bad as the people in the nosebleed sections screaming at the top of their lungs, trying to tell the players what to do, thinking they can hear every word they can say in an open building with a multi-million dollar sound system, oh yeah, and 20,000 other screaming fans... Just sit down and shut up you idiot!

This happens at every hockey game, i know this, i accept it, but i don't like it. But this game was particularly bad, to the point that something happened that I have never seen or heard before; The Sportsnet TV announcer, John Shorthouse, stopped and declared "the people that hit the glass behind the nets are one of the most annoying things ever"

You know it's bad, when people who hear this noise everyday as part of their careers, can get so annoyed that they have to mention it on National broadcast television and Radio.

On a side note, I feel like the arena security staff across the nation need to do a better job at stopping this. They all have security standing down at the glass, how hard is it for them to say "Excuse me sir, can you please stop hitting the glass?" Then threaten to kick them out if they persist.

So to all the hockey glass bangers out there... STOP! Just plain Stop! Nobody likes you and you are an offensive human being. That glass is there for your safety, not your amusement. Next time you bang on it, I hope it falls out and bangs you back in the face breaking your nose! This might be a harsh punishment, but when people have to listen to it for 3 straight hours, I think it's fitting.

The world is a confusing place.

With the world full of Information and Technology, Internet and Social Media, TV and Movies, News and TMZ, Food and Drink, Fun and Games, People and Assholes; there is lots to live with, think about, deal with, and more importantly make fun of.

I love seeing all this craziness and love to make my wife laugh at how stupid some thing can be. But she isn't around all the time, so figured I would start writing some of my crazy thoughts down, and where better than where other crazy minded people can see it.

So here you have it, just like a Tyler Perry script or Tyra Banks taking 13 weeks to look for an average girl who looks better with mounds of makeup and hours of photo editing, this is another useless thing in a world of useless things, but I hope you enjoy this much more than either of those.